i am heartbroken. i think that everyone should be once in a while. to deny that we are suffering is to force dishonesty on our souls. it's both un-natural and unendingly damaging. to deny that we are experiencing hope deferred is to deny hope; and hope is the only thing that makes us human.
it's here that i want to begin to sand against the grain, to be unconventional in a way that will get a lot of frowns and disagreeable comments: in our culture (as in many others), pain suffering and weakness are looked down on while indifference, and disaffected stoicism is championed as the norm. i'm choosing not to be that way. i would rather die.
i've come to see the celestial silence i'm so familiar with as an opportunity to hope in something i can't see and don't understand. the sickeningly wretched things that have happened in my life present me with an opportunity to turn to God. next, when He refuses to take the grief and the heart-wrenching pain away, i have a choice to hope that someday -any moment- He will.
becoming overcome with indifference is a mistake that i never want to repeat. as long as life goes on, there are still moments for God to intervene, there is still loneliness for God to quell and there is still emptiness for Him to fill. so every moment i want to hope.