dude, where's my car?

in uncertain times, there is often that question or those questions that conciousness of alert people throughout the span of crisis. one or more questions surface and resurface, offering the opportunity for clarity by means of their resolution. i am writing today because one of those questions, those subconsciously strategic musings that is burning a hole in my conciousness -

am i parked in the lbcc albany campus parking lot?

i realize that the reader probably has similar (if not identical!) musings of their own. it is common to question here and now, and uncommon to have clarity about something which you are not so-far removed from.

however, in wrestling with this issue, i have devised a series of sub-questions, each of which, properly pondered might lead the reader closer to knowing the truth (if there is such a thing) about the location of their vehicle(s).

first of all, search your soul... do you remember circling an insanely packed spread of pavement for an unreasonable quantities of time, in search of parking?

did you brave construction zones, inattentive drivers, and/or incompetent and overimportant security officers?

...by the way, did you receive, for the fifth time this week, a notice on your windshield reminding you to register your vehicle and warning you of nefarious and undefined repercussions, should you park without registration one more freaking time?

in the process of parking, did you get passed by, and/or cut off by at least two self-important hicks in monster trucks, going way the hell too fast?

if the answer to all of these questions is "yes," it may be safe to assume that you are indeed parked in the lbcc albany campus parking lot.

respecting diversity

in the emu today (memorial union, u of o), i stopped at a petition table to see what it was they were collecting support for. an older man with long hair explained to me that they were petitioning for the reversal of a recent addition to the law - possible military time for students who receive a drug conviction while on financial aid.

"it used to be that you just had to give the money back," he explained. "now they can make you go into the military."

i listened with unfeigned interest. i don't always love to hear people's opinions, but i'm trying hard to respect them.

having said that, i actually am really fascinated by the issues surrounding marijuana use. i enjoy hearing people's opinions about them..

he encouraged me to sign.

i turned him down. i said that i think marijuana abuse isn't a good thing, and that if students on financial aid are participating in it, then they probably deserve some military time.

ok. let's think about it for a minute: financial aid comes from taxes. taxes come from people with jobs.

if people are caught using others' money, which is designated for their education, for drugs then i believe that they should give something back to the people they were, in essence, stealing from. serving in the military is a good way to give back...

well that's my opinion. when i told the man, i was surprised when he replied:
"people who think that need to be cut off."
then he actually go up from his table, turned his back and started to walk off.

he didn't respect my opinion at all. i obviously showed interest in what he had to say, but he didn't try at all to see where i was coming from... how could that be? i thought the diversity crowd would respect everyone's opinions (since everyone has had unique experiences in their lives).

i realized that the difference between me and that older man goes down to the roots, the core values so to speak. we have a fundamental difference:

his core value is tolerance. the message of tolerance is: "respect everyone's opinions and actions so that we can have diversity of thought, idea and relationship."

this man perceived that my ideas conflicted with his. he sensed that both our realities can't exist side by side. in his perception, my ideas were threatening diversity.

the way i thought was dangerous to him because the basis of his worldview is his belief. if i can so easily believe the opposite, and our ideas can't both be correct, then his perception is that i can't be tolerated.

people who have a core value of tolerance can't tolerate someone whose beliefs are directly opposed to them because, in their minds, someone like that threatens tolerance. in practice, tolerance kind of doubles back on itself.

my core value is love. love's message is, among other things, patience, kindness, avoiding envy pride and rudeness, and refusing to seek its own. love hopes all things and endures all things.

i can respect his opinion (even if i had been sure it was wrong) because i respect him as a person. and i can love and respect him a person because he's made in god's image. that's god's love working in me: )
i believe that the truth isn't held up by something so flimsy as a person's belief, but that there is an absolute truth. absolute truth is reality as it is perceived by (and revealed to us by) god...

so i'm not worried about being wrong. i would be just fine if that guy is right or if i'm right, or if we're both wrong. i know that no matter what god is right, and i'm actively trusting him to reveal the truth to me as i need it.

the divergence between our core values made a world of difference. if your core value is tolerance, then many of your relationships with people who disagree with you will become strained or nonexistent. ironically, you won't be able to tolerate them.

but if you make love a core value, and love people first, a healthy tolerance becomes part of that love. the apostle paul said, "love... hopes all things, endures all things."

they cheer for static

i sat on the couch. she sat kitty-cornered on the other couch.
she smiled a cute little smile.

"sarah," i managed. "is it over?"

"no."

i gazed a markedly dismal gaze that she didn't even attempt to return. i saw that she would keep staring away.
directly in front of her rested a television. blank blackness was all i saw. the movie was clearly...
i pulled the blinds on the shady silence: "is it over now?"

"no." more staring.

the television broke into static.
jumping.
stamping.
shouting:

"they're fighting again!!! go white!"

then she left the room.
i heard the adjacent room come alive. "guys! its happening again... ants're fighting again!... come on!" suddenly they were all approaching the first room with speed.
hopping.
marching.
yelling:

"go black!"
"come on white"
"yeah-ay!"
"go-o white"

this was the story. this was the struggle. for some unknown reason, when VHS tapes came to their end, the epic battles between the black and the white ants were televised.

excitement
chaos
foolishness:

how simple had i been to think that the movie was over? how foolish... how could i... how could i think that that all this conflict was only static. this was valiant, for all antkind...
i began to ponder. i had a dream. a dream of a world where all ants - black and white - could live together freely. no more fighting on tv. no more battles each time a VHS ends, or a channle isn't coming in clear. they could share the screen, coexist. no more needless and painful conflicts...

click. my brother had turned off the tv.

"black won!"

'so much for dreaming,' i thought.

3 beautiful things (new sister, bitter pop culture, and fall out boy)

(1) keturah rose, born december 17th, is a very beautiful little sister.



(2) starbucks at christmastime. i actually think the bitter-choco-sweetened drinks taste better in the red cups. and they warm you. sister is a fan of st. arbucks too>


(3) alone with my thoughts. now that's a relatively rare occasion here at my parents' place. eleven children live here, and tonight a lot of relatives came for christmas dinner.
now its quiet. suddenly my sister decides she would like to read over my shoulder. shamelessly. oh well. i love her alot.
and i need to cue up some more fall out boy. the noise will continue, and i'll have no space for my own thinking. now that's a good method for avoiding depression. this is sideone, flip me over. i know i'm not your favorite record...

on break! three beautiful things

i just patched my favorite jeans with duct tape and the remnants of a not-so-lucky pair of jeans. they feel chill: )



we were a group of friends without classes. adrift on the icy streets of portland, we sang killers tunes and gave our coffee to a stranger. we hugged and skipped, talked and smiled. we looked longingly at the fire escapes, hoping for an opportunity to climb into the sky...
in our longing we realized ecstasy.
we long for snow,
for love,
for acceptance
and in this we found
ourselves very much alive.
the fulfillment is as follows: beacuse we long for snow, we imagine it, and all its beauty. that is snow. we are human because we long; and to share that is friendship. we long for acceptance together, and find it in our common longing - our friendships.



i'm so desperate to follow jesus. i am certain that i don't want to be just another perosn who's loved by god. i want to follow! i want to be a lover of god. god is a lover looking for a lover, so he fashioned me. god is a lover looking for a lover, so he formed my heart.

my japanese poem

smile for me
and my punch-drunk imagery
now i know what its like
to care for everyone and only love a few

3 beautiful things (from 11-15-08) theatrics, pb&c, the future

i came to cottage grove to watch Pajama Game, the high school play that my friend bekah was in last night. it was hilarious, riotous, well-acted, amusing, cute, and just overall chill. the afterparty at the vintage was all of those things as well.
i’m still in good ‘ol cg. i discovered that they serve the best coffee in the universe down at the coffee barn – peanut butter cappuccino with real peanut butter mixed in. these things are more chill than a mint gum commercial.
the future is not worth waiting for any more than adventure is worth staying for. the future is worth taking some action.