what is the essence of our pursuit?as human beings, is there something that we're all oriented toward? i have heard it was God.
other examples of proposed objects of the universal pursuit include 'truth,' 'wisdom,' and the ever-popular 'love...'
and then there's acceptance - respect, love and belonging from other people. i've been starting to see that maybe this is want i want the most...
hey! what if there isn't a universal desire among us homo-sapiens, among us two leg-walkers and pizza-eaters... wouldn't that be revolutionary?
i actually don't know. but in myself i seem to notice deep longings for truth, wisdom, love and acceptance. and sometimes when my wants for each of these begin to trip on each other i start to feel morally conflicted. but which desire to choose? is there one that's more important than the others?
does anyone have any insight?
I think that my BIG wants/needs are more in line with the following:
ReplyDelete1) I need to experiencing something transcendent (something that actually matters).
2) I need to have my mind blown.
Why do your desires conflict? I've experienced that. Its called cognitive dissonance, and it always seems to spring from something in me being amiss.
Here's what I really think: If your desires conflict, there must be something fundamentally wrong. Why do you want two things that don't fit together? That's like trying to support two opposing ideals. This should not be so. What are your thoughts?
@mark: I really dig your list of needs.
ReplyDeletesomething is wrong? do you mean one of the desires is necessarily out of place or out of proportion because they manifest in an apparently contradictory manner? seems logical...
sometimes i'm unconvinced that there's a specific and perfect plan fro my brain. if there isn't, on what grounds could i assert that something is amiss?
"That's like trying to support two opposing ideals."
- when it comes to supporting ideals, i can see where apparent contradiction can be indicative of something being a little off...
but maybe i'm talking more about desires. i mean to say that i have visceral and often half-conscious desires which i would describe as a longing for [truth, wisdom, love, acceptance, etc.].
do you draw a distinction between supporting ideals and experiencing longing? i have started to. it feels strange at first.
The desires you have sound a lot like mine...
ReplyDelete1. truth
2. love
3. acceptance.
Wisdom? My ideas on wisdom are a bit upside down. The more i learn, the more i wish i were "foolish" (what does that even mean? we don't know anything!). i just want to be hugged and embraced in Love. i don't care so much about being right anymore (it's exhausting), as i wish to be passionate and committed to what i think makes our existence worthwhile. And the things i see make our existence worthwhile is Love "love isn't meaningful. love makes things meaningful" That's something Peter Rollins wrote. It also makes me think about this Christian song that i think is kinda of cheesy, but... even if it is cheesy, it's still nice (there's a lot of cheesy nice things). The song that goes "You make beautiful things out of dust, out of us." Love (G-d) makes nothing into something.
In a sense i do desire wisdom, though... even if it doesn't make sense.
i don't know if one desire is more important than the other, but i think that some of the desires us human beings tend to have... like, the ones you have, allude to some of the others. A lot of the ideas like "love" tend to encase other ideas. Like... i can have a desire for grace... and i can find grace in love... i can find love in grace. i can also find acceptance in love. And... i think i can find truth in love. Maybe.
i think of how some of the feelings people have are just distorted versions of the more full. Like how lust is a poor allusion to love, or how trust is an illusion for mutual unselfish commitment (like Jonathon and David). And these things are just lacking versions of the fuller things. Trust is kind of selfish now that i think of it...
Mutual unselfish enthusiastic honest friendship is something that is huge for me. It's one of the rarest things in this life, to be unselfish towards a friend (it's so scary because you're SOOOOO vulnerable). i think having someone to be close to your whole life can make life so much interesting with it's ups and downs. It makes the human journey so much more beautiful i think, to be able to share it with someone (i feel somewhat strange to aim towards such a vow at such a young age...). And now that i'm in that thought, i think the fact that we can't ever have EXACT EXACT understandings of each other is more beautiful to me now than it is tragic. It's beautiful for me because of the diversity, and all the reactions and the fact that someone would even try makes it so beautiful, to me. Being one is beautiful, but i think that being separated and wanting to be together again is beautiful, too, taking the time to go out of one's self and seek another human being, to help someone feel known and loved and accepted. And... i've learned how the ones i'm close to aren't that different from me but are different from me. i learned that what i hate about the ones i love is what i hate about myself.
i asked my best friend the other day, "i wonder so often what it is like to be you." And he said, not in a sad way, but a way that seemed in awe or maybe satisfaction or excitment... "There's nothing to compare it to." And he's right. And it used to make me sad, but now... i think it's wonderful. There is so much for human beings to share with one another! We are endless worlds and the possibilities and creativity that will allow us to be close to one another is so big. :)
i like that you ask questions. it makes me search inside myself, Joel. i'm really glad you are here, that you exist. You help me so much. i love you, big brother. :)
i alway write long things... PLEASE FORGIVE ME! D: