they cheer for static

i sat on the couch. she sat kitty-cornered on the other couch.
she smiled a cute little smile.

"sarah," i managed. "is it over?"

"no."

i gazed a markedly dismal gaze that she didn't even attempt to return. i saw that she would keep staring away.
directly in front of her rested a television. blank blackness was all i saw. the movie was clearly...
i pulled the blinds on the shady silence: "is it over now?"

"no." more staring.

the television broke into static.
jumping.
stamping.
shouting:

"they're fighting again!!! go white!"

then she left the room.
i heard the adjacent room come alive. "guys! its happening again... ants're fighting again!... come on!" suddenly they were all approaching the first room with speed.
hopping.
marching.
yelling:

"go black!"
"come on white"
"yeah-ay!"
"go-o white"

this was the story. this was the struggle. for some unknown reason, when VHS tapes came to their end, the epic battles between the black and the white ants were televised.

excitement
chaos
foolishness:

how simple had i been to think that the movie was over? how foolish... how could i... how could i think that that all this conflict was only static. this was valiant, for all antkind...
i began to ponder. i had a dream. a dream of a world where all ants - black and white - could live together freely. no more fighting on tv. no more battles each time a VHS ends, or a channle isn't coming in clear. they could share the screen, coexist. no more needless and painful conflicts...

click. my brother had turned off the tv.

"black won!"

'so much for dreaming,' i thought.

3 beautiful things (new sister, bitter pop culture, and fall out boy)

(1) keturah rose, born december 17th, is a very beautiful little sister.



(2) starbucks at christmastime. i actually think the bitter-choco-sweetened drinks taste better in the red cups. and they warm you. sister is a fan of st. arbucks too>


(3) alone with my thoughts. now that's a relatively rare occasion here at my parents' place. eleven children live here, and tonight a lot of relatives came for christmas dinner.
now its quiet. suddenly my sister decides she would like to read over my shoulder. shamelessly. oh well. i love her alot.
and i need to cue up some more fall out boy. the noise will continue, and i'll have no space for my own thinking. now that's a good method for avoiding depression. this is sideone, flip me over. i know i'm not your favorite record...

on break! three beautiful things

i just patched my favorite jeans with duct tape and the remnants of a not-so-lucky pair of jeans. they feel chill: )



we were a group of friends without classes. adrift on the icy streets of portland, we sang killers tunes and gave our coffee to a stranger. we hugged and skipped, talked and smiled. we looked longingly at the fire escapes, hoping for an opportunity to climb into the sky...
in our longing we realized ecstasy.
we long for snow,
for love,
for acceptance
and in this we found
ourselves very much alive.
the fulfillment is as follows: beacuse we long for snow, we imagine it, and all its beauty. that is snow. we are human because we long; and to share that is friendship. we long for acceptance together, and find it in our common longing - our friendships.



i'm so desperate to follow jesus. i am certain that i don't want to be just another perosn who's loved by god. i want to follow! i want to be a lover of god. god is a lover looking for a lover, so he fashioned me. god is a lover looking for a lover, so he formed my heart.

my japanese poem

smile for me
and my punch-drunk imagery
now i know what its like
to care for everyone and only love a few

3 beautiful things (from 11-15-08) theatrics, pb&c, the future

i came to cottage grove to watch Pajama Game, the high school play that my friend bekah was in last night. it was hilarious, riotous, well-acted, amusing, cute, and just overall chill. the afterparty at the vintage was all of those things as well.
i’m still in good ‘ol cg. i discovered that they serve the best coffee in the universe down at the coffee barn – peanut butter cappuccino with real peanut butter mixed in. these things are more chill than a mint gum commercial.
the future is not worth waiting for any more than adventure is worth staying for. the future is worth taking some action.

three beautifl things - rumi, friendship, uncertainty

we are studying rumi in world lit class. it is absolutely stunning what art can do to the mind. i had god pegged as an intellectual, and then i started to read... in such a short time, i feel like rumi and i are friends, tag-teaming it through cultures who muddle the pure creeks of spiritualism with their intellectual "findings." my prayer while i seek god these days is: i know what i've known, will you teach me what's true?

neo and i have an intensely beautiful friendship. its pretty rockin'.

why am i holding the world down beneath a glass slide? i want to let it live, breathe, find me out. instead i'm making vain attempts at smothering it in the name of knowing things for certain. uncertainty is beautiful, like appreciating the universe instead of understanding...
i want to move on from all that, instead of walking home, i want to walk. instead of saying "freaking wind, its too cold," i want to say"oh wind, breath of god..."

three beautiful things

wisdom - "buy the truth and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding."

truth - "and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free... i am the way, the truth and the life."

peace - "if you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will and it shall be done for you."